God's Will

Since I have become a Christian, God has brought me through a lot and taught me a wide variety of lessons. My discernment with His word may be lacking, even on a good day, but there are several decisions that I have made based on His calling. At this point in my life, I find it difficult to read my bible each night/morning and journal. I do pray, intentionally and continually, but indulging into the Lords word is not yet a habit for me. Two weeks ago, I was in Tennessee horseback riding on a Tuesday. I was extremely tired that morning from late-night activities, like usual and so while waiting for my tour guide to return and start my groups trail ride, I took a short nap in the car. My nap was more like resting, and my dreams were more like vision; ones in which God put in my mind. The vision that I remember clear as day was one of people (not necessarily people I knew) walking up to a giant throne and leaving gifts, then walking away casually with no words spoken. The throne, as you can imagine, was God's. The people were His believers. As soon as the vision was over,  God basically spoke to me: "Why is My answer requested from those who "visit" me but never come to stay?"
That quote can be taken many ways. The way God said those words to me were an answer to my prayer asking why I could not hear him. His response made perfect sense. Why should I expect God to answer me when I almost ignore him on a daily basis by not visiting Him through prayer, worship, and conversation on my own time. God made it clear to me that I could not simply go to church on Sunday, Purity Group, Community Group, and Bible Study and expect that to "count" as showing my love for Him.
But as I said, God really has taught me a lot in this short semester.
I'd gone from wanting Him to trying to impress Him and back to wanting him.
I'd gone from being law absorbing baby Christian to being judgmental, hypocritical, and a follower of a person [who is not Jesus Christ] because I thought this person was righteous and correct and perfect.
I'd gone from believing that my group was the only group who cared for their faith to being proven completely wrong.
I'd gone from feeling like a new person, to feeling like a fake Christian, to being born again through Baptism.
I'm not perfect and I no longer wish to be. I only wish to stop judging, feeling envious, and start controlling my emotions.

Seeing as how secular music was once an idol for me; since God has delivered me from that I can happily continue to worship him through Christian music; so in the words of Lecrae:
"He got me walkin' on the water when the winds blowin'.... and when the storms brewin'... and when the tides high. That's when I lean into the truth that I abide by..."